


One Dozen Eggs

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Crack, M/M, Multi, The Felt - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-12
Updated: 2014-01-12
Packaged: 2018-01-08 12:39:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 574
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1132750
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Die didn’t like guard duty.</p>
            </blockquote>





	One Dozen Eggs

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to stunrunner for the edits on this ridiculous little thing.

Die didn’t like guard duty. Doing the rounds at night always made him jittery - more so than he usually was - and he was torn between the desire to do something to keep him alert and the knowledge that if Crowbar found out that he was _under the influence_ while on guard duty it would have painful consequences.

As his first loop of the night took him by the vault, he saw Biscuits walking in his direction, carrying his oven. Strange, since Biscuits was almost always with Eggs, and they were supposed to be guarding the vault. They did that most nights; at least Die never got stuck with that. “That” being the task of guarding the vault, or having to spend time with either of them. They were so _dull_ and Die was sharp and didn’t do well with idiots. Not at all.

Still, his curiosity got the best of him. Biscuits couldn’t be looking for back-up since he was just strolling along with his oven in his arms. Or maybe he was; the guy was stupid enough that it might not have occurred to him to be in a rush. But Biscuits wasn’t the sort to just wander away from his post either.

“Why’d you leave?” Die demanded as they neared each other. “Why aren’t you with Eggs? You’re supposed to be guarding the vault, aren’t you?”

“Nope nope nope!” Biscuits replied, shaking his head emphatically. “All done, thanks. Nope nope nope!”

Die sighed, not bothering to question the other man any more. It was just pointless. Really, this wasn’t his problem - but what if it was? Someone might make it his problem. He didn’t want to anger Crowbar, and if someone else was wandering from their post, maybe it’d get pinned on him? Too much got blamed on Die, and it wasn’t _always_ his fault, not really.

On the other hand, the vault wasn’t actually in his rounds. Would that get him into more trouble? No, he would just keep fretting if he didn’t go check it out. He’d just pop his head in, make sure Eggs was guarding it, and then message Crowbar to tell him Biscuits blundered away for no reason like the moron he was. All would be fine, assuming Eggs was actually there, guarding it, of course.

Taking the detour, Die hurried towards the door to the vault’s antechamber. He heard noises; that wasn’t good at all. Was Eggs talking with himself? Talking with many of himselves? Why would he be making duplicates if there wasn’t an enemy? Maybe one of the Midnight Crew got in? What could have happened?

Gingerly, Die, pushed open the door, expecting the worst. What he got was far, far worse.

Yes, the noises were all Eggs. Eggs jabbering at, moaning at, and _fucking_ duplicates of himself.

One dozen butt-naked Eggs writhing together in a big, sweaty pile. Eggs’ face in another Eggs’ ass. Two Eggs pounding an Eggs from each end, making an Eggs sandwich. A lone Eggs whacking off his dick while he watched, choosing just that moment to groan loudly and squirt thick white cum all over the floor. Eggs everywhere. Eggs’ dick everywhere. Eggs’ buttocks everywhere. Eggs’ undulating ballsacks. Twenty-four of Eggs’ balls in one room.

Die pulled the door shut, not caring that it slammed as he stumbled back from it as if he had been burned. For once, Biscuits had been eloquent beyond compare.

Nope nope nope.


End file.
